My thoughts today

My thoughts today

I’m finally ready to open up a little today. I haven’t blogged in a while. Most of you know my dad passed away yesterday morning. We haven’t always had the strongest relationship in the world but, I never imagined losing him so soon. We were just rebuilding our relationship last year after he got sicker. The doctors thought he had pancreatic cancer but, they couldn’t find it in his body after numerous tests. I was grateful and thought that meant he would be with us for a lot longer. Clearly, I was wrong.

This isn’t the 1st time my dad left us though. He’s been “cheating death” since his Vietnam days. He use to tell me stories about jumping out of planes, seeing his friends die right in front of him, having to take a few lives himself and even losing his life a few times, etc. I hated hearing those stories because I am NOT into war. I’m all about love. However, my dad is a Veteran and has received many metals, taught himself six languages and was respected amongst his peers. If it wasn’t for his involvement in the war, I wouldn’t have gone to college.

Even though he was sick last year and many of us thought he wouldn’t make it, I’m still in shock and disbelief. I actually called him last night to hear his voice but, his phone was already off. Who turns off the cell phone of a person who passed away that same day? Then again, who calls a person who has passed away?

Right now, I keep blocking out thoughts because I’m not ready to accept the fact that he is gone. I’m angry with him because he didn’t take better care of himself but, he couldn’t control his habits. I’m upset because one of my brothers won’t be able to say goodbye or see him one last time because he messed around and has been in prison for the last 9 years. As a matter of fact, he gets out next year. My graduation is coming up and my dad won’t be there. This would’ve been his first time attending any graduation or ceremony I’ve participated in. Not that I’m getting married anytime soon but, he won’t be able to walk me down the aisle when some blessed and highly favored (yes he will be all that to have my hand in marriage) man decides to make me his good thing. He never got to walk my older sister or step-sister down the aisle. I battled with the idea but, decided I would if the opportunity presented itself one day. He won’t be there when I or my younger sister finally have kids. Most people try to think about the times they’ve shared with those who pass on but, I have slim to none. The times I mentioned were going to be the good times I look back on. Now they will happen without him.

I’m not looking forward to going to the funeral even though all my family will be there. I keep praying that there will be no drama (it’s already getting started by 1 member). This is just a big mess (from my point of view). I can’t believe I’m even writing about it. I wouldn’t be V if I didn’t though. I’ll probably write more about all the people my dad is leaving behind in another blog at another time. Sorry if this blog is dark and all over the place. Trust me, it’s worse in my mind than it reads.

Thank you all for your prayers and support during this difficult time in my and my families’ life. I haven’t even met a majority of you but, I feel so much love when I read tweets, comments or even text messages. Thank you again for your continued support. It really does help a lot! Until next time…

Join me on my other blog account!!

So I blog soooooooooo much (sarcasm) that I decided to open another blog account. This real cool guy (Kaleb Blake) introduced me to it. Hopefully I can figure out a way to blog and have it show up on both accounts. I'm not that computer literate so...we'll see. Here it is: iamV247.tumblr.com

Is It Really Over?

Hello anyone,

Long time no blog! Well, let's see what I can talk about today. Oh I know!! RELATIONSHIPS!!! My favorite topic ever (sarcasm). Let's dig in, shall we?

I was talking to my cousin the other day and one of her exes popped up in the conversation. She was with this guy, on and off, for 7 years. I went to Jr. High with him actually and introduced them. They broke up so many times, I started to wonder if it will really ever be over. After they broke up with each other, they would date other people as if they really had moved on. Currently they are off and he has a girlfriend. She's seeing people also. I'm not sure if they will be off forever or if they will go right back to each other when/if their other relationships fail.

This story brings me to my title question, "Is It Really Over?" A lot of people end relationships with the intent of it being over FOREVER! However, just like the Chingy f/ Tyrese song goes, "Every time I try to leave, something keeps pulling me back..." Mmmmhmmm that's so true. It's like when you're eating a bag of Lay's potato chips and you get a handful but, find your hand going right back in the bag as soon as your hand is empty.

What happens to make us do this? I can give you the deep spiritual reason or the psychological reason. Which one do you want? I'll give both. Deep spiritual reason: Soul tie! Don't get me wrong. All soul ties aren't bad. There are good soul ties and evil soul ties. You have to determine which one you have going on with the person in question. Anytime you let a person enter your life and world, you create a connection. The strength of connection depends on how long you've associated with that person and sometimes the level of interaction. It could also depend on the value you place on your time and actions. Holding hands to some might be not be worth as much as relations. To each is own. Sexual intercourse holds a lot of weight. Have you ever been in the presence of someone you've had sex with and had a memory of that moment? That's a pretty big sign that your souls are tied. Soul ties can be broken through patience, meditation and time.

The psychological reason is we're comfortable with that person. Somehow, we get the idea that it might work out this time. We want it to work out so bad, with them, that we try to make it work over and over again. I'm sure I could come up with more to say but, I've been delaying this blog for a few weeks now.

It's hard to walk away when you aren't completely ready. Hopefully couples who go back to each other can make a final decision that will make each other happy and the ones who have to deal with them.

Hi again!

I haven't posted anything in the last 5 days. That's absolutely too long. I thought I was going to go into the whole situation but it looks like it's working itself out. I just love it when that happens. Just a little insight, most of my blogs will be about men, women, pets, love, music, TV, future goals, school, friends, dating and etc. I would say that I'm going to blog about everything but, that's just impossible because I don't know everything. Keep in mind that I'm pretty sarcastic so most of the time if I say something that sounds harsh, either I'm serious, sarcastic or just super funny! LOL Well, bye bye for now.

V

First Blog!

So I was sitting here thinking about every emotion I am feeling and a light bulb went off. Then I asked myself (out loud), "Why don't you blog about it?" Well here I am folks. I'm a 26 year old college student who lives in a city where sirens pass by often. If I'm lucky, I can even hear a few gunshots at night. A lot of people say that I'm sweet and nice and I definitely appreciate the compliments. Those personality traits are not easy to keep up when you have bad days but, I do the best I can. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go through the actual issue that I'm dealing with right now but, don't be surprised if you see another blog from me in about 15 minutes. Whether I have a multitude of readers or just me, I hope this blogging thing does what it's supposed to do.

~Selah~